Saturday, October 13, 2007

Recipe for Life in Hell

This article was originally posted in by "KC."


Let me state the obvious: Life in chronic pain is hell. However, it can be made worse.

To increase bitter taste in mouth, add as many as possible uncaring, ill-informed family members and so-called friends. Over time, the number of friends will quickly decrease and there is also a good chance spouse will evaporate as temperatures rise (unfortunately, children will follow spouse since they do not mix will with uncontrolled, chronic pain).

Limit sleep to as few hours as possible per night which will result in increased irritability. In addition to chronic pain itself, add an unhealthy dollop of insomnia, restless leg sydrome and/or inoperable sleep apnea. If sleep apnea is added, recommend mixing liberally with chronic sinusitis/rhinitis to prevent possible treatment.

At the mention of treatment, be sure that no successful surgery (highly unlikely) or pain relief (equally unlikely) is provided!

It should be relatively easy to find a good mix of uneducated, DEA- petrified doctors of all sorts to add to this recipe. Suggestions include general practitioners, physiatrists, pain "management" doctors, physical therapists, neurologists, neurosurgeons and any others to taste. Simmer in pool of aquatherapy until extreme exhaustion sets in.

Chill then serve immediately under six feet of daisies or heat to 1600-1800 F then serve with garnish as desired.

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